I will always feel sad for Nick. While he was alive, any crime he perpetrated should have been punished properly and his victims have my sympathy and my empathy and should have been fairly compensated.
I find it interesting that even though he was arrested several times, his time in jail appears to be minimal. Was this a good lawyer and insufficient consequences for domestic abusers? I'm sure that's possible. However, it is also possible that the episodes did not rise to the level where he earned proper prison time. We know celebrities go to prison. Some aren't even violent. Perhaps the authorities saw a lot of his actions as the general crazy of addicts. Worthy of consequences, but not the level of consequences some seem to be crying for after the fact.
He's dead. He is post punishment of any kind. His life is a matter of public record. It is interesting that few of his victims/complainants have come out of the woodwork to 'tell all' since his death. Maybe they know more than we do? However, if they're not coming out of the woodwork to lambast him, I find that interesting. He has no power to hurt them in any way now. He has very little by way of a legacy to protect. Yet, his exes aren't out there saying terrible things.
Yes, there was definitely a need for him to be prevented from hurting others and I have no sympathy with his behaviour. I do, however, have a great deal of empathy for the man and the addict. As a recovering addict, i know the road is not straight. Even those of us who don't relapse, struggle with the inner demons from our disease, from our childhoods, from our consequences. It's not easy even after decades in recovery.
As he is now dead, I really see no point in rehashing his every flaw, misdeed, crime and other horribles. It won't undo his bad actions. It won't help his victims. We don't have to prove that we're fairly punishing the bad guy, every time he's mentioned in the neutral and the positive. ALL of him is true. Good. Bad. Vile.
I see no point in punishing the dead. It won't fix anything. It won't hurt the person. Mostly, those efforts end up punishing those of us who dare to care about 'the horrible worthless crime machine.' Sometimes, it rises to the level of an emotional assault.
Some of us want to remember the man we loved. yes, loved. From a distance, and as fans, but the fact we're talking about Nick, about ASH, about Michelle, and some of us even talking about Glenn and Andy -- means that for many of us -- these people touched us. We're sad they died.
For someone whose life was tragic and messed up, it actually hurts a bit more. I personally think there's a lot of his life story that we do not know... and some of what we know (not his crimes, but some of what was done TO HIM) contributes to my willingness to continue to care about him.
As a survivor of an abusive marriage, I know it is a complicated place. Bad stuff happens to the victim in that marriage. I don't (and won't) absolve anyone who commits such crimes of their consequences. I know some of those abusers have no interest in change (and i think those belong separated from society in a permanent way) and I know some of them struggle with themselves and fail. the consequences to the victim are still real, even if the person 'didn't mean to go there'.
I have also dealt with people who have done violent things, who have learned from their actions and sought help. I actually watched one particular person grow into a decent human after struggling with a violent temper... This person (like I think Nick was) was an addict and a survivor of some horrible home life stuff. They never learned coping strategies. In recovery, they kept fighting with themselves, and eventually overcame. I wish that Nick had gotten there. I am not sure how much horrible Nick did in the last few years of his life when he seemed to be barely ambulatory, but I saw that he struggled in every aspect of his life... physical health, mental health, addiction and just functioning in the world. He did not live his best dreams. May well have lived in his own version of purgatory... No career. No family life. Very little respect in the world. Bad health. His life was a tragedy.
I choose to be gentle with his memory.
Just my few cents,
A recovering addict and domestic and child abuse survivor.
www.the-independent.com
