Buffy also chose to care about Dawn after realising she was fake - I can understand your frustration with the fact that those feelings and memories were implanted - and like I said I agree that it should have been explored more - but I think the important point to take away is that Buffy was actively choosing to accept that connection rather than rejecting it. And if, as you suggest, Willow should have stayed on as respresentative of Buffy's humanity, then yes, she would have had to retain a degree of innocence for that symbolism to work and as a result wouldn't have had the more morally complex individual arc that she eventually did get.
The fake memories are still ingrained. And it's something that belongs to new Buffy's subconscious. So is there really choice involved? I can't say 100% that Buffy chose at any point because there are too many uncertainties within the story. It's never explained how far the monks took it or were able to take it. And because of the retcons and OOC behavior that started to creep in with Dawn's arrival, it makes it even harder for me to see much choice. Since I have to find an explanation for this stuff happening NOW and not before and the monks are oh so convenient.
And I will never be ok with this story because of all the violation of women and their agency/choice. That so many people are fine with that is as unsettling to me as all the gushing about and romanticizing of abusive Spuffy.
What was done with Buffy/Joyce was despicable. It reminds me of what was done to Scully on X-Files. She was abducted, had her eggs stolen and which where then used to create hybrids and had her memories of the events wiped. All without consent. Replace eggs with blood and scratch the abduction part, it's the same thing to me.
She's there at the start and there at the end. It's implied that she is in the fight. That's what's important for that scene. You can fault the writing and direction for not conveying this information very well - basically it's a continuity goof - but you can't just say that it implies Buffy the character has actually just buggered off in the story.
She is not seen anywhere = she is not there. I don't care what a story implies or tries to tell. It's the responsibility of the directors, writers and so forth to make sure the story they are telling is the one they intended. If they don't do that then people like me will sit there and wonder why Buffy isn't double teaming Glory, helping her friends on the battlefield or getting up on that tower. Basically wondering why she isn't doing a damn thing. Sorry but unlike some people, I can't shut the logical part of my brain off.
I was referring to the fact that in S7 she admits that yes she would let Dawn sacrifice herself, whereas she wasn't ready to lose her in S5 - but you rightly point out Buffy's other questionable decision-making in S7.
Apparently that was only a thing Noxon-Buffy would say/do. Whedon-Buffy couldn't get her sister out of town fast enough, not willing to have her die. I mean sure she let her stay in the end but that initial statement is in total opposition to her earlier words. Oh well S7 Buffy...
Does that mean you view it similarly to how you view Dawn?
I'm going to skip the obligatory 'duh' and just say that unlike Whedon & Co., I don't happen to think every child is a blessing. I happen to place agency and free will above anything else. If Angel wanted to give his a son a good/new life, using magic to make his son forget, ok fine. But foisting him on another family without their consent? Hell no. Whedon thinks it's ok to do that because 'every child is a blessing'. I happen to disagree with that. If the family is given a choice to take him in (same with Dawn), then it's fine.